School

Wow, who would have thought that having a near-school age child would bring up soooooooo many issues. I have to state for the record that I am not all about pushing my kids for higher education. I know growing up there was that unrealistic expectation to do so. And if you didn't go on to college after high school then you were basically pathetic and a loser. Such shit! And I know it first hand. Most of my teachers from school 'snubbed' me because I didn't finish college. I was never one that knew what I wanted to do. Never. Even now I couldn't say what I would go to college for. But this whole education thing is OVER the top in the States. Look, we all know in America you can't get a job without a high school diploma or having passed the high school equivalency test but even then if you pass it everyone knows you didn't graduate. Furthermore, a degree gets you everywhere. It doesn't matter how good you are at something without a degree, the degree gets you in the door. I've seen it first hand. Education, education, education. That's all I hear about coming from the States.

Now in New Zealand I like the fact there is less stress put on education. I like the fact that someone can go and get some training and start out making $40,000 a year WITHOUT a degree. That just proves that anyone can do it here. Get the right training and you could have a decent job. I like the fact that college is only 3 years long and not 4 until you get a degree. Why bother with stupid menial prerequisites if they don't pertain to your degree???? That's how it works here. You study what is required to earn your degree.

Ok, minus college even grade school is exhausting mentally. Ok, not for me when I went through it. I enjoyed grade school. But folks when I started kindergarten, I didn't know how to write my name, I could probably count to 10 but I only learned to tie my shoes in first grade and we had naps in kindergarten! Now I'm hearing that the Letter People no longer exist in kindergarten. Everything is based on phonics. Ok, fine, I did just fine on the Letter People. They are adding and subtracting. Writing their names and probably doing it in cursive. We didn't learn cursive until I was 10!!! Push push push! Let's cram as much crap into them as we can. Ok, granted we all need to know how to read, write and add and subtract but do we need to know it by the age of 6? Children don't need to be pushed like this. I want my girls to be the best they can be but that doesn't mean making them read mounds of books and take tons of tests every day and night. I used to take up to 2 hours to do my homework at night. I can only imagine what it's like now. New Zealand may be a bit 'behind the times' when it comes to teaching our kids but in all honesty, don't they get there???? I mean, there are New Zealanders working in America with their Kiwi education and they are making it. And why???? Because New Zealand education faltered somewhere???? Being at the top of your game isn't everything. Life is meant to be enjoyed; not to be spent with your nose in a book for the rest of your lives for a few extra bucks and a title!!! It's all about money any more. That's the bottom line. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! And I'm sorry but I will NOT be pushing my girls to head to college so they can have all the money in the world and still be miserable with their life and their career. JUST SLOOOOOOOOOOW DOWN, PEOPLE!!!

***For the record, I am not dumb. I am not anti-college because I couldn't pass college. I graduated with a 3.8 (highest grade point average is a 4.0) in high school. But many things I didn't get and couldn't apply to my life. I also know that my brother passed the high school equivalency test and now works for a heating and refrigeration place. He makes good money but they also paid for his education in the field. This does happen but you don't see it much any more. Hugh got a wonderful education in his field of work in Germany and he could get a job anywhere with his knowledge. So I don't detest education I just don't feel a need for all the pushing. Believe me, our kids will learn to read, write and add and subtract even if we don't push them to do it by the age of 6!***

Not Worth It

I bought some Queen & Co. acrylic letters online. At first glance I thought, 'ok they look pretty nice and probably a good size'. Well I should have known better and should have asked cause they are microscopic. Ok, so maybe not that small but in the picture I put them next to a five cent piece. I can get two on the coin and three at a push and the third might be hanging off by a bit. Pathetic. Really. What can I use them for???? I thought they would be at least the same size as my Paper Studio letters but they aren't. And the pic that was up with the letters looks oh so enticing too. I'm posting that as well. I bought three sets that averaged about $10.00 a set including shipping. I contacted the person I bought them from and they just said they would take my suggestion of listing the size on board but they didn't have many left any more so didn't know if they would be listing them. Hmmmmm, I wonder if others were happy??? I know this whole range has 'done up' it's line to be more feminine but I can do without the look of makeup compacts, fingernail polish bottles, lip balm containers and lip gloss bottles if it means slacking on more product. I'm not sure what I will use these small letters for. But soooooooo not worth the money I spent, that's for sure.

Issues

Last night I was feeling a bit off. Swimmy and light headed. I couldn't figure out what was up. I woke up this morning feeling slightly the same and with a headache. I called to tell Hugh at work that he probably shouldn't go to gun club tonight because I feel like crap. And he basically told me I need to move on cause it's the one thing he has. Nice! He also said that he goes to work sick. 1. If he misses work for being sick they want a doctor's excuse which is $45. 2. I'm not asking him to miss work just to come home and help out. So I don't think he is coming home. My issue is that when he is sick he mopes around, lays around, has napS and complains about it the entire time. When I am sick I am not suppose to get a break not even from the kids. I suppose my job is watching the girls. Fine then he needs to be here then when 'my job' is supposedly over. How is it fair I am constantly left to deal with them on my own while he is at work. My ONE night away a week is AT WORK! OH and when I am at work he watches the girls for a total of maybe 2 hours and then they are in bed. I am with the girls 24/7 there isn't a break for me besides my one night of work a week. I asked to have Sunday to myself and basically got the third degree. I'm sorry but him going in to work isn't nothing compared to whining, crying, demanding, fighting, feeding, cleaning on a constant non-stop level through the day. I don't think it's too much to ask for him to miss a night of gun club. But obviously he thinks it is. I swear, maybe I should move back to the States............ALONE!

Freezing!!!!`

OMG!!! I am sooooooooo cold! I feel like I live in Antarctica! Ok, close enough but still not there. My nipples have been erect since last night!!!!!! (sorry, if too much information but trying to get across just how cold I am lol) Last night at crop the girlies said it was suppose to be 4C. Lovely, for all you fahrenheit folks that's 39F. Now I know back home they are used to plenty colder temps but ya all need to keep in mind, we don't have central heating. I was soooooooo cold last night that I went to bed at 11:30!!! Can you believe that???? I was too cold to stay up and do anything. So I went to bed with my electric blanket on high. Then Hugh had the nerve to stick his cold feet on me!!!! It's ok if I do it but he should know better ;) So now I will hold my hot muffin in my hand so my fingers don't freeze off!

Pretty Nails

For a long time now I have been painting Kamryn's fingernails. It really started off being something I could do after her nails were cut since she never liked me doing it. And I started off with that watered down colored polish you get from Avon. Now we have moved up to my polish. Which is fine and much nicer, I might add. Kamryn no longer requires the polish if I cut her nails. So now it's just a bonus. But lately we haven't been doing the fingernail polish. I usually agree but then forget by bedtime and she doesn't remind me. Well last night she reminded me so we did her toes and fingers. This morning she showed Lauryn. And I thought 'Kamryn must have been about Lauryn's age when I started doing it' so I painted hers. Lauryn's nails are difficult to cut, it's usually me yelling and holding to get them done so maybe the polish will work. And look how cute this looks on her wee nails!!!! I didn't put too much on because I know she sucks her thumb and I wasn't sure if she would try getting it all off with her teeth lol.

Kindy Starts Today

Well Kamryn starts kindy (preschool) today. I haven't thought about it much or dwelled on it. Trying to just go with the flow and take my cues from her. We've talked about it all weekend and I've gotten excited about it letting her know it's ok to be happy and fun there. It's hardly school and if anything, it's more of an opportunity for her to be with more kids of her age (4) with probably more activities than daycare can offer. It's not close to being school but none the less, I think she will have fun and enjoy herself. And I think she will learn things even though it isn't a structured learning environment. It helps that she knows a couple of kids that go and she's looking forward to playing with Ashley even if I'm a little more apprehensive about it. Will update more once she is home after 3.
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Ok, back home from kindy. I swear, some days I feel like a single parent and today was one. Lauryn was already an hour past her naptime and I knew if I stayed with Kamryn much longer then that meant a shorter nap for Lauryn since kindy is only 2 1/2 hours long. And Lauryn has anywhere from 2-4 hours when she sleeps. Plus I didn't want to draw out the fact that she was there and I was leaving. She was soooooooo good though. Man, she couldn't wait to get there. Writing her name was interesting. I thought they would have something to trace but nope, have to do it free hand. We always started off tracing our name before we did it freehand. Not much help from the teachers either, so I helped. But she truly loved it. I could have easily dropped her off and walked away. She didn't even seem to mind that I was leaving. Although she did ask if Lauryn could stay. Then when I was getting ready to leave, she wanted to walk me to the gate and wave. I told her not to stay by the gate and go where the teachers are after I waved. No sooner than I turned my back to walk away and I turned to see if she was there and she was walking away. And that's where it hit me. And still is. In some respects you don't want them to need you so much and then in many others you want them to need you all the time. But thinking about this whole experience has made me realize that Kamryn is a very confident girl. Confidience I would like to think we have instilled in her. Eager to try new things even if it's not semi out of your comfort zone. She just wants to absorb it all. I felt bad I couldn't stay and just observe and watch how she got on. I now realize that everything from now is just up and away with the end goal being on her own. I know that is many many years down the track (Hugh reckons they aren't moving out until 25!) but with girls it happens all too soon. For the times I think I have horrible children, I know I don't. I rationally know this. But more often than not they are driving me up a wall. And I know I have a wonderful daughter and she's just great!!!
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Well it's nearly time for bed for me but wanted to end by saying that Kamryn had a great time today. When I got there she didn't notice me and when they pointed me out to her, she ran up and said she missed me. Which is nice. Then I asked if she had fun and she said yes. She had her snack outside with Ashley. At home later though, after talking with her some more, she said that she fell through the rope bridge cause she missed a square. I asked if someone helped her and she said no. I said how did you get out and she said she did it herself. But she said she was there for a long time and I asked if someone was outside and she said no. This causes some worry for me. I know when I arrived to pick her up, no one was outside with them either. There were only a couple of kids outside and the rest were in but there still could have been someone watching. I could have easily walked in there and grabbed a child and walked off and none would be the wiser. I might have to ask them what their policy on having someone outside is. I'd like to think that if Kamryn is in trouble or having a hard time with something that they will help. Afterall we are trusting them with our children and I'm sure they can give their assistance if it's not asking too much.

And Here are Some Photos........

We got lucky on Kamryn's birthday. It seems we have nearly every year. It's been nice days. Well I was able to get outside and take some photos of her. Which was good fun as I get tired of taking them in the house and then having to deal with the background. The ones inside weren't fantastic but I'm happy with those outside. The necklace and bracelet she is wearing in the photos is ones we bought for her birthday.

I'm a Mother of a 4 Year Old!

Yep, today is Kamryn's birthday. Well there are only about 6 more minutes of July 12 left so by the time I finish this it will be over. Wow! I'm sad to report it wasn't until Tuesday afternoon I realized that her birthday was the following day. I hadn't had anything ready. We weren't having a party so no worries there but still needed to wrap presents, make cupcakes and make the birthday cake. Hugh worked today too and she went to daycare in the AM so the morning wasn't such a fuss. Here's our day (definitely memorable!):

8:30AM - wake up and realize that I haven't heard a baby and Kamryn is still sleeping. Quickly jump out of bed, grab the camera and take pics of the gift table. Get Lauryn out of bed, grab camcorder and go to sing Happy Birthday to one sleeping birthday girl. (we haven't been able to do this since her first birthday and even then I think she may have been awake in her cot lol) I ask her how old she is and she says 'I'm still tired'. Nice. The one day she could actually possibly sleep past 8:30 and I'm waking her up.

9:10AM - rushing everyone around to finish breakfast and get dressed to have Kamryn at daycare by 9:30 for a ear and eye test. Well trying to get out by a certain time never seems to work. I already promised one gift before daycare. No time for cameras. She opens her Disney Princess Leap Pad book from mom. Ok, no time to play let's move!

9:20AM - Kids in car and cupcakes on front seat where Kamryn says 'mommy, I wanted dinosaur sprinkles too, you forgot the dinosaurs'. Sorry, I didn't want to put the dinosaurs on for 20 cupcakes. Chocolate hail and 100s and 1000s will have to work lol.

9:30AM - Arrive at daycare. Staff owing and awing over cupcakes. Can't believe I actually made them. Hugs and kisses for my birthday girl and will be back at noon.

9:50AM - Lauryn and I are in Orewa shopping at New World. No problems there and $93 later we are at Countdown. And then another $28 later we are on our way towards home eating our Grain Waves.

11:00AM - Decide we might as well finish the shopping list at Foodtown and then pick up Kamryn at 12:00. Get into Foodtown after one quick ride on the puppy. Get carrots in my cart and notice Lauryn shaking. Then notice her lips have gone purple and her dot and hands are purple too. Don't think too much of it and just figure we are in the cooler part of the store. Get around to the soda aisle and she is now complaining that her hands 'hurt'. Abandon cart and head for doctor's office right next to the plaza.

11:15AM - finally in to see a nurse. Lauryn's lips, dot and hands are still purple. No longer shaking. Sit on the bed in the nurse's office and just start crying. I have no idea what is wrong. They take her temp 37.5 (99.5F), say it's high but don't know why she is blue. GREAT! I'm freaking out thinking something is seriously wrong. They check her heart and her lungs, no problems.

11:30AM - Obviously a blue child doesn't prompt immediate attention. Temp taken again, now it's 38.2 (100.7F). Man, that's a large spike in a short time! Given Pamol to lower temp. Then she checks her right ear (she has had a bad ear infection for nearly 2 weeks now and has been on antibiotic for just as long), nothing wrong there. I say the other one was the bad one. She looks and immediately says 'oh yeah, it's bad. It's about to burst and I wouldn't be surprised if it does.' Great! Fabulous! Poor girly! New antibiotic now. Lovely but I sure hope this does the trick as I'm really worried about this damn ear!

12:05PM - Cruise into daycare to pick Kamryn up. Chat with staff and said kids were outside running their sugar rush off from the cupcakes.

12:30PM - Home. Lauryn to bed and Kamryn picks another present. This time it's the big one on the table. It's BARBIE!!! Woohoo! She's happy! She's been asking for one and I caved. I was trying to hold off but couldn't any more. Eats her lunch, plays and watches TV all at once lol.

1:30PM - Hugh home from work. Time to get cake going. Haven't had any time until now. Been cleaning, it never ends! Cake in the oven and on to present #3. This time she grabs a soft package which Hugh believes is clothes. Nope, it's mommy and baby unicorn. Where Kamryn says 'just what I always wanted' lol yeah along with everything else. She happily continues to play.

2:30PM - phone call from mom saying happy birthday to Kamryn. Have Hugh check on Lauryn after telling mom all about how I thought I was going to be sitting at the hospital on Kamryn's birthday. Lauryn comes out of her room ready to play with Kamryn's things where Kamryn quickly retorts 'no, these are mine'. Put mom on speaker phone so she can listen to Kamryn opening a couple of her gifts. She opened Pinkie Pie dress up and 3 DVDs mom had gotten her. 'Thank you's and 'I love you's exchanged. Hang up after about an hour being on the phone (I know it doesn't seem that long from this desciption lol.)

3:30PM - Finish opening the pile of gifts still left on the table. Lauryn is keen to watch without getting involved pointing out things like 'pony' or saying 'look' and pointing lol. We slowly get through everything. Take Kamryn outside for some pictures in her dress while Hugh organizes the gift table for a parting shot.

5:00PM - time for that pizza we are having for Kamryn's birthday. Can't be bothered cooking. Hugh grabs Lauryn and they head out to get pizza, ice cream and a box for all of Kamryn's little bits. Kamryn and I take everything out of their packaging. She plays and I put together a wooden highchair.

5:45PM - Hugh's back with pizza. Sit down to eat. Kamryn starts crying. She doesn't want to wear her dress to eat in cause she's cold. Fine. Puts on clothing mom bought her. Lauryn doesn't eat. Asks for 'more cheese', it's a bit of cheese and that's it. Kamryn eats some but not much even after requesting 'meatball pizza'. Fine we aren't dragging this out all night.

6:15PM - Lit lopsided birthday cake on the table. Singing happy birthday. Kamryn blows out the candles and we dig in. Cake and ice cream for everyone!!! Ok, so Kamryn only ate the ice cream and Lauryn had a bit of cake. Cool, off to bed then. Everyone gets ready for bed, Kamryn comes up to Lauryn and kicks her in the head and then she is in time out. And after Hugh rubs Lauryn's belly for a while she poops the hardest poo eva!!!

6:45PM - Girls in their respective rooms. THANKS GOODNESS! Kamryn watching one of her new Strawberry Shortcake dvds and Lauryn sleeping happily in her newly raised cot. All is calm.

7:30PM - Hugh says goodnight and heads to bed. Yes that's not a misprint! Kamryn watches dvd one more time and then plays until near 8:30PM.

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And that is my day and Kamryn's 4th birthday. I didn't feel like I even got to breathe today. I haven't had much time to reflect on having a 4 year old but I'm sure something will hit me tomorrow. I'll try to have photos up tomorrow as well. And now it's 12:30AM so it's time for bed!

Four Year Old Honesty

Some things that have come from Kamryn's mouth in the last few days:

*The other day I got out Kamryn's Disney dress ups. She wanted to wear the pink one and I put the Snow White one on Lauryn which comes with a small cape. Kamryn said 'Lauryn is the superhero'. I just laughed, how cute! Then she had set up her castle and Lauryn went near it and she said 'no, Lauryn, no one needs saving here.' LOL.

* Yesterday at the plaza she told me she needed to go pee and poop. So we generally always use the parent/child room. As she was going poop, she said it was hard. Then she was pushing it out making her sound effects and then there was a splash. LOL, she goes 'did you hear that splash?' and I said 'yes'. And she said 'that was my poopy'. LOL. Too funny!

*This morning I looked at her juice bottle and said 'you didn't drink much juice yesterday, so you need to get drinking some'. And she said 'I know I need to drink more juice cause if your poop is hard and your pee is yellow then that means you aren't drinking enough juice.' LOL, omg, how can you not laugh!

There were so many things. Just hilarious things! I can't remember them all but I try. Gotta love the honesty stage and not being afraid to say what they like.

What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

I ask myself this often. I think my four year old is pretty smart and on to it but then I truly wonder if she is. Has anyone watched this program on ONE called Child of Our Time? (And as I'm looking for that link, I see there are things on there you can test your children with. I'll have to look at it further.) We quite enjoy the program but then afterward I am left wondering how my own children stack up to those on the show. I sometimes feel I am beating my head against a wall when it comes to Kamryn. She recognizes her name and knows it starts with a K. But no matter how many times I point to the letters in her name and ask what they are, she can't get them all. Why not? She can't remember? She can count to 20 but gets muttled around 14 and comes back at 18 lol. She's good at doing her wooden puzzles, building, taking care of her babies, dancing, singing and coloring. All of which are great. I have to admit, many days I don't feel I know what to do with her. I don't know how to entertain her or get involved with her. Unfortunately for her, I can't spend every minute of the day with her making sure she has my full attention. Many things need to get done. Not only that, I have made it clear from the beginning that I do not want her to rely on me for interaction. But as she gets older I can feel her independence. Independence that I appreciate because I can do more of what I want. But then I wonder if it's too much. Maybe I need to be there more. Need to get involved more. Watching this program tonight this 5 year old was pointing at places on the globe. I was like I can't see Kamryn doing that at 5. Hugh said to give her another year since she isn't there yet. LOL, I think there will have to be more to it. I do not want her to be left behind. I want her to get the very best out of life. I was raised in the department of book smarts. To look at me now, I don't think it has gotten me very far. I want Kamryn to be life smart. A combination of both books and life experiences. I never veered far from my rules and regulations growing up for fear of what would happen. I want Kamryn to enjoy life and not be afraid to try things like I am. But at the age of four is she on the right path??? Does she really know what she needs to know at four?

I have tunnel vision when it comes to learning. I have a hard time thinking outside of the box when it comes to different methods of teaching the girls things (it's the book smarts coming back again!). I learn many things from Hugh. If for some reason, they aren't getting it a certain way he knows how to change it so they do get it. I don't think like that. Try as I might, I just can't. I do not want to push learning or making sure they know just as much as others their age as I know they will get there eventually. But there is this drive in me that says we need to be doing more. Need to be pushing more. Less TV for them and less computer time for me. More books, more reading, more building, more one on one things, more of something for sure. But I can't do it. I struggle with how to be involved. Is just being here enough?

So tonight I put in this search 'what should a four year old know'. And this is the first link I clicked on. And this cuts to the root of everything I feel for my children and what I think they shoud know. (Bar the messy play lol. The clean up drives me insane!) There's also a list of what parents should know. As I was reading this I felt relief over much of it as I do this with my girls. I have to say I worry more about Hugh in some of these instances though. Kamryn will ask him 3 times or more to look at her and he just ignores her or doesn't hear her. That bothers me. It maybe only takes 5 seconds to give her the recognition that she needs and deserves It's like the attention she seeks from him, she isn't getting. Often times he is throwing the words 'shut up' around which bothers me. Ok, I have used it but not nearly as much as he does. I think he needs to listen more to what she is saying, stop acting like every little thing she does annoys him, quick to jump at yelling or disciplining her and just listen to her. She does talk. No doubt about that. And if I didn't draw the line somewhere she would talk all day to me lol. But Hugh isn't around all day every day. Definitely listening is something that needs to be done more in this house. The older my girls get, the harder I am finding it to relate to my husband. The more I feel I am constantly advocating them to him. The more I worry about their resentment for him building. He's loud and quick with his tongue without thinking. Somethings need to change. I just hope that with all that goes on around here, Kamryn has learned what she should for a four year old.

What's Wrong with Men?

Back the lists! I've put off doing this list simply because I wasn't in the 'right' frame of mind lol. Now I am.............here is my list:

What's wrong with men?

SIMPLE............EVERYTHING!

Motherhood Over!

I was really hoping today could be different. Waking with little sleep and a headache, it started all wrong. I've decided I can not handle motherhood. I'm not cut out for this. There were times I thought I was but really I'm not. I just need to stop fooling myself. Already by 10:30 this morning Lauryn has a bloody fat lip and her gums are bleeding. Nice! All because Kamryn thought it necessary to head butt her for who knows what!!! I give up. This is ridiculous! And I am thoroughly upset with everyone that has more than one child who didn't say having two sucks!!!! Cause it really does!!! I feel like my girls belong to two different households cause they sure as hell can't exist in one! It would be better if my husband could actually get a clue. Obviously he can't. Even when I am yelling to finally get him motivated enough to do something, he can only manage that one task and that is it. And I love the days where he says he knows what it's like watching the kids. Yeah right! No you don't. Spend 5 days a week with them for 24 hours a day and then you can maybe say you understand. Honestly, he may as well just move on out cause half the time he puts just as much stress on me as the kids do and then I wouldn't have to worry about one of them pissing him off or getting on his last nerve which seems to be every nerve!

PS: I come home for work and Kamryn has taken a good piece of scrapbooking paper and covered it with some stickers I wanted to use and other bits. Leaving my desk in a state worse than it usually is. Ok, now how is it that Kamryn is in my scrapbooking room doing this without Hugh knowing? Ah well, let me enlighten you! He is on the computer with his back to her while she is having a nice ole play. And he didn't think to see what she was up to? No cause there is no respect for my things. Next time I come home and it has happened, I told him I will be burning one of his books at my discretion. Also we both go to bed at midnight cause he was finishing watching a movie. No sooner than my head hits the bed, Lauryn starts crying. Guess who has to go and take care of her? Yep, me. And his excuse 'I have to be at work at 6 you can do it'. Nice! You shouldn't have stayed up watching a movie until bloody midnight then!