Why Can't People Listen?

Why is it people, family in particular, can't follow family rules we have set in our house? We have rules in our house for a reason. And if there is a conflict when it comes to babysitting our kids and you can't follow those rules then you don't need to be babysitting our kids. No sweat off my back! And if we don't want certain people in our home or to see our children while we are away then that doesn't mean you let people come over. If we aren't good enough to visit with when we are home then you sure as hell DO NOT take advantage of others babysitting our children and using it as a chance to see our kids. That is one SURE FIRE way to piss me off especially when a phone call was made prior to inform of our decision. Now all family involved will be lucky to babysit our girls in a looooooooong while! And I'm sorry but when you blatantly ignore a specific rule that is told to you then you are getting in the middle whether you like it or not. And our family is just that, OUR FAMILY, it consists of me, Hugh, Kamryn and Lauryn. That is all we have to look out for and trust has once again gone out the window. And if you have problems with me or Hugh then you sure as hell don't get to see our girls! It doesn't work like that. We pick and choose who we want our children to have a relationship with or who gets to see them. So if you can't visit us when all four of us are here, then you don't get to see them any other time! BOTTOM F*%#ING LINE!

Dance Class

Two weeks ago I decided to start Kamryn in dance class. She often dances around here and loves listening to music. Well the first two times we went she didn't join in and I thought 'oh boy this is going to a be a long process'. Kamryn isn't too involved when it comes to group activities and generally shys away from them. But yesterday was a completely different story! We were a tad late and as soon as we walked in she started dancing. And she did for the rest of class! She didn't pay much attention to Shelley teaching it though lol. She kinda did her own thing but I was just happy to see her doing something. I doubt Katrina was happy about her bothering Ashley the whole time and causing Ashley not to pay attention. I guess this is what happens when you know someone else in the class. I did talk to Kamryn about watching and doing what Shelley does so I think if I keep talking to her about it then she will get it, eventually. Plus some of the other kids do the movements so I'm sure she will pick it up. For now I'm happy to see my daughter participating in something and not shying away.

Crawling

Ok, no, Lauryn isn't crawling yet. People do not need to show or extend their worry onto me either. I know she will crawl and I will make sure she crawls before she walks. I've worried enough about her since she was born being breech and all. Only within the last 3 weeks have we gotten her to actually enjoy playing on her stomach for longer than 5 minutes! And that's huge as she used to cry and throw a fit if she was left any longer. And those that know my baby, know that she isn't one for crying let alone throwing a fit! So now she will happily play on her belly and it's funny to watch her try to move. She doesn't quite have it sussed out yet but she will get there, I am sure of it. She can move herself in a circle just using her hands and reach really far to grab something but that is about it. She 'frogs' out and doesn't know how or even try to get on her knees. We have shown her countless times but she still isn't there yet. But I have faith she will get there, I just wish others would let up on my poor little 9 month old!

Yummy Meat Pies!

OMG! I have lived in New Zealand for five years this month and I have never had a meat pie until Monday. And I am addicted! It was sooooooo yummy! For those that don't know, it's a flaky pastry (not sweet like a pie) with meat (mince/hamburger), gravy, onion and cheese on the inside. You can get many different flavors but on Monday Hugh got me a mince and cheese one. It was very tasty! Since Monday I have had two more lol. Yesterday Hugh got us a steak and cheese one which I didn't care for much. Then today I had another mince and cheese one. Hugh informed me that they all taste different depending on where you get them from. He says the one by his work is good, so I'm hinting for one from there before his work week is up ;)

Friends

My faith in friendships died at the age of 15. I fell out with my best friend of nearly 6 years and I never thought I would have another relationship quite the same. Throughout the rest of high school there was never a friend who compared to my childhood friend but a couple came close. I just never felt that connected bond again. After high school I lost all hope of ever having a best friend who I got to live my life out with or at least enjoy each others' lives with one another. Now at the age of 27, I seem to have many friends in my life. I have all types of friends; great friends, close friends, acquaintances and even a lovely Weenie friend group online. Out of all of my friends I have a handful here in New Zealand and about a handful that I keep in touch with in the States. But out of all of my friends there is only one I truly confide in about everything. There are about 2-3 that I tell a majority of things and the rest are good friends or surface friends. For me it gets harder to open up about my life and issues that are in my life the older I get. I have seen many friends come and go and rarely have any stuck by me. A friend once told me that if you lay all your baggage on the table with friends then you have to understand it may be too much for them to cope with and then you lose them. This is very true I have learned. People don't want to be consummed with your problems or necessarily hear about them all the time. I only give 'parts' of me to others and I truly hate that. Especially here in New Zealand I find that many people prefer to be surface friends and many a time I have been talking to a 'friend' and I am interrupted in what I am saying or never really feel listened to. I tread very carefully when it comes to friendships and am hesitant to mention too much of my life. I love hearing the ins and outs of my friends' lives and I rarely feel overwhelmed by what someone has told me. I also know that a majority of my friends hold back from telling me personal things. This is fine with me as I know some people just aren't comfortable with sharing and I also realize that the older we get some things just become taboo to talk about because of social stigma. I'm quite the open book with many people. I don't often just blurt out things but if I'm asked a question a rarely say 'that's too personal to answer' but then again I rarely get asked those sort of questions. The most fun I have with my closest friends is talking about anything and everything and sharing like experiences or just confiding in each other. And it makes me feel like a great friend when others feel comfortable confiding and telling me things they rarely tell others. These days, I treasure and hold on to that. So my faith in long standing friendships is coming back but ever sooooooo slowly.

Fill in the Blanks

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Don't ya just hate it when you have a complete post typed up and then for whatever bloody reason you get logged out and then it deletes the entire post. Like it can't remember it or something! I give up! I wrote a great post and now I am toooooooooo pissed off to do it again! %@#& IT!!!

(now as I finished typing I see something under the font section that says 'recover post'. HA, a lot of good it will do me now since I have already typed in here, all it recovers is this bloody post! man, I'm pissed!)

Reflecting

My girls are growing up. I see this fact every day of my life and some things I believe I just take for granted and wish I hadn't. I remember when mom was here (in April/May), Kamryn sang every song she knew for her Grammy Marge. Afterwards mom said 'that's what you need to be getting on video'. Well try as we might, we can't get it on video now. The moment is gone and lost as she won't sing on demand now. And quite often will just say she doesn't want to sing. Kamryn also likes to sort things and line them up. I haven't got this on video or in photos, I just don't 'think' about these things as being lost memories. But I know in 15 years time they will be. Kamryn has recently started singing 'I like to move it, move it' while shaking her butt up and down. We die laughing around this house as it's sooooooooo funny. It comes from the Madagascar movie where the lemur is singing at the end. Hilarious stuff! I have said for the past two nights that I want to get it on video. But haven't :( I am making it a challenge to do so tomorrow. There are things Lauryn has done that I also took for granted and now they are just gone. She used to be a BIG toe sucker and every chance she got she had her feet in her mouth. Well that too has passed and it's a rare moment to see her even playing with her feet. Or how about her walking in the walker? When did that actually happen? I am not sure but I don't have it on video. She now walks everywhere in it. And I often lie her down and give her a bottle instead of holding her. I find I have other things to do and she is capable of holding it herself now afterall. But that is not the point. I long for that closeness with her but now she is used to being on her own with the bottle. I know I am close to her in other ways but it's the small things ya miss. She's now doing this funny thing with her face where she scrunches it up and it's sooooooo funny to all of us. I did manage to get a shot of it and it's so classic of her right now. I remember Kamryn doing the same thing but I can't recall having a photo or getting it on video. I strive to preserve memories either with photos or video but a majority of the time I feel very slack that I am not more on top of it. Does this reflect badly on me as a mother? I recall times in my day where I could have spent more time with my children but haven't. Does that also reflect badly on me? I know the most important things in my girls' lives is that we are there for them and love them and it's not what is caught on video or in photos. But for me this is capturing who they are. I always want to be the best mommy I can be and often worry I struggle badly with this and fear it reflects the same to my children. Who really has time for more than one child? I am soooooo consummed with thoughts of being a good parent that I often worry I am not balancing this all properly nor putting into practice what I would like to do or who I want to be as a parent. Only time will tell how I have done.

Three Year Old in Cot

Kamryn slept with us last night after having what I am assuming is a bad dream as she was whining and wimpering but not actually crying. She was also thrashing and pushing me away when I went to her. Anyway in the mornings I never get out of bed when my kids do lol. I'm soooooooo tired in the mornings and when Kamryn sleeps with us she is usually up early. Today she got up and I could hear her talking and playing, I had both monitors on so I assumed she was in her room playing or something. Well I would hear Lauryn randomly laughing, babbling or crying and realized that Kamryn was in the room with her talking/playing with her. I decided to get up and check out the situation. Imagine my shock and surprise when I rounded the corner to see Kamryn sitting in the cot with Lauryn! I couldn't believe it! Then upon further inspection, Kamryn had piled every blanket Lauryn had in bed (which is roughly 6 lol) on top of her and was playing with her. I couldn't see Lauryn at all and then I had a mental picture of my three year old suffocating my baby (I knew she was fine as she was making noise). I quickly grabbed Lauryn and she hugged me probably thinking 'thank goodness you finally got here!' I simply told Kamryn she wasn't to get in Lauryn's bed again, it probably won't sink in, but she said ok. We will be latching the hook and eye now!

A Tooth At Last!!!

Lauryn finally has a tooth coming in! I knew she would get them, obviously, but didn't know when. Kamryn got hers at 8 months and now Lauryn is going on 9 months and she has her first wee ridge on her gums. I noticed a hole there last week but it was about the size of a pen head so I wasn't sure if she just managed to stick something in her mouth and caused it or what. The girl has been super cranky and I know that goes hand in hand with teething but they can be cranky for spells and nothing come of it but the teeth are shifting. She's been cranky for about 3 weeks and I said to Hugh that if she didn't get a tooth after all of this then I was going to be upset! Lauryn just isn't a cranky baby. And she's not been eating much; food or formula. While I was away for 2 nights the beginning of the week, Hugh rang me and asked when she started getting a tooth. I said I didn't know what he was talking about. He mentioned the hole and how you can now see a ridge from the top of the tooth and you can feel it. I was sooooooo happy and sure enough when I got back, there was a little ridge where a tooth is coming through. Kamryn seemed to get her teeth in pairs, one on top of the other. I'm hoping Lauryn's aren't like this and we get a break but I can't help but wonder if tooth number two is coming up right next to tooth number one?