Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Reflecting

My girls are growing up. I see this fact every day of my life and some things I believe I just take for granted and wish I hadn't. I remember when mom was here (in April/May), Kamryn sang every song she knew for her Grammy Marge. Afterwards mom said 'that's what you need to be getting on video'. Well try as we might, we can't get it on video now. The moment is gone and lost as she won't sing on demand now. And quite often will just say she doesn't want to sing. Kamryn also likes to sort things and line them up. I haven't got this on video or in photos, I just don't 'think' about these things as being lost memories. But I know in 15 years time they will be. Kamryn has recently started singing 'I like to move it, move it' while shaking her butt up and down. We die laughing around this house as it's sooooooooo funny. It comes from the Madagascar movie where the lemur is singing at the end. Hilarious stuff! I have said for the past two nights that I want to get it on video. But haven't :( I am making it a challenge to do so tomorrow. There are things Lauryn has done that I also took for granted and now they are just gone. She used to be a BIG toe sucker and every chance she got she had her feet in her mouth. Well that too has passed and it's a rare moment to see her even playing with her feet. Or how about her walking in the walker? When did that actually happen? I am not sure but I don't have it on video. She now walks everywhere in it. And I often lie her down and give her a bottle instead of holding her. I find I have other things to do and she is capable of holding it herself now afterall. But that is not the point. I long for that closeness with her but now she is used to being on her own with the bottle. I know I am close to her in other ways but it's the small things ya miss. She's now doing this funny thing with her face where she scrunches it up and it's sooooooo funny to all of us. I did manage to get a shot of it and it's so classic of her right now. I remember Kamryn doing the same thing but I can't recall having a photo or getting it on video. I strive to preserve memories either with photos or video but a majority of the time I feel very slack that I am not more on top of it. Does this reflect badly on me as a mother? I recall times in my day where I could have spent more time with my children but haven't. Does that also reflect badly on me? I know the most important things in my girls' lives is that we are there for them and love them and it's not what is caught on video or in photos. But for me this is capturing who they are. I always want to be the best mommy I can be and often worry I struggle badly with this and fear it reflects the same to my children. Who really has time for more than one child? I am soooooo consummed with thoughts of being a good parent that I often worry I am not balancing this all properly nor putting into practice what I would like to do or who I want to be as a parent. Only time will tell how I have done.

2 Comments:

Blogger Renee Loquasto said...

Christi,
You will be the best Mommy you know how to be and that will be the best Mommy in the world to your girls. There will be times when the need you for everything, times when they hate you, times when they think you are the most prehistoric person in the world, times when they think "I wish I had so-and-so's mom". Then the other 98% of the time they will think "I have the best Mom in the world"
Love You, Renee

5:44 AM  
Blogger nzmommy said...

Renee,
What a honey! You 'almost' made me cry. I didn't even think you read this. I thought the only ones that read my blog were Rachel and Jamie lol. However, I'm glad you found your way here now and can read all about what is going on in my head lol. Thanks for your kind words, it helps.
Love,
Christi

10:37 AM  

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