Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Friends

My faith in friendships died at the age of 15. I fell out with my best friend of nearly 6 years and I never thought I would have another relationship quite the same. Throughout the rest of high school there was never a friend who compared to my childhood friend but a couple came close. I just never felt that connected bond again. After high school I lost all hope of ever having a best friend who I got to live my life out with or at least enjoy each others' lives with one another. Now at the age of 27, I seem to have many friends in my life. I have all types of friends; great friends, close friends, acquaintances and even a lovely Weenie friend group online. Out of all of my friends I have a handful here in New Zealand and about a handful that I keep in touch with in the States. But out of all of my friends there is only one I truly confide in about everything. There are about 2-3 that I tell a majority of things and the rest are good friends or surface friends. For me it gets harder to open up about my life and issues that are in my life the older I get. I have seen many friends come and go and rarely have any stuck by me. A friend once told me that if you lay all your baggage on the table with friends then you have to understand it may be too much for them to cope with and then you lose them. This is very true I have learned. People don't want to be consummed with your problems or necessarily hear about them all the time. I only give 'parts' of me to others and I truly hate that. Especially here in New Zealand I find that many people prefer to be surface friends and many a time I have been talking to a 'friend' and I am interrupted in what I am saying or never really feel listened to. I tread very carefully when it comes to friendships and am hesitant to mention too much of my life. I love hearing the ins and outs of my friends' lives and I rarely feel overwhelmed by what someone has told me. I also know that a majority of my friends hold back from telling me personal things. This is fine with me as I know some people just aren't comfortable with sharing and I also realize that the older we get some things just become taboo to talk about because of social stigma. I'm quite the open book with many people. I don't often just blurt out things but if I'm asked a question a rarely say 'that's too personal to answer' but then again I rarely get asked those sort of questions. The most fun I have with my closest friends is talking about anything and everything and sharing like experiences or just confiding in each other. And it makes me feel like a great friend when others feel comfortable confiding and telling me things they rarely tell others. These days, I treasure and hold on to that. So my faith in long standing friendships is coming back but ever sooooooo slowly.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rachel said...

:P I know what you mean. My main problem is not so much wanting to share secrets, but feeling more like a burden to others. It's something that I've inherited while growing up, as emotions and expression of feelings weren't encouraged at all when I was a kid. In fact, I can categorically say that neither of my parents have said "I love you", and I didn't really feel any love from Dad (more like put-downs, the back of his hand and his foot instead!) I've gotten better since I've met Bruce and his family (as they are the polar opposite of mine), but as you say, it's a long hard road. Slowly I'm starting to trust my friends a little more these days, and open up a bit more... but it's a hard thing to do, and not instantaneous, after 23 years of being scared under the same roof as Dad....
I get the feeling that maybe I'm one of those 'surface friends' ; ) I'm trying hard not to be...

1:51 PM  
Blogger Renee Loquasto said...

I feel bad since I'm the one in that friendship with you so long ago. Like we didn't have outside forces working against us! To tell you the truth, I've never had a friendship like the one that we had. So, at least we have another chance. Just look at it this way, we took a little break. Beacause that's how it feels to me, picking up right where we left off at. And besides, I know all of your baggage and I still like ya:)

2:18 AM  
Blogger nzmommy said...

Rachel - our friendship is different this time around and I feel that we could be close friends and I know what it's like with parents too, I have a problem with physical touch (of the loving kind) which I am trying to get past as well.
Renee - yes, I agree, I feel like we are on the right track now and I hope it continues. I've missed ya over the years and it's wonderful to have you back in my life even though we can't see each other regularly. I'm just happy we still 'gel' so well together and we are able to move on from what happened so many years ago. Love ya!
Hugs to both!

9:13 AM  

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